During the recent West Cork Literary Festival I was delighted to have the opportunity to hear the irrepressible Dervla Murphy in conversation with Sean Lusk.

Dervla talked about her experiences as a woman traveling the four continents, mostly on her own and usually on foot with a pack animal or by bicycle. Intriguing stories and I couldn’t help wondering how she managed to be so brave.
A member of the audience asked her how often she had feared for her life during her more than forty years of traveling and I was surprised to hear her say: “Only twice”. Once when the brakes of her bicycle refused to work while she descended from a very high mountain and another time when she met members of a less than friendly tribe in Africa.
She explained very clearly how she chooses not too worry about possible dangers: “I am only afraid of danger when danger is actually present”.
What a wonderful way to deal with fear!  It is probably also the only way to deal with fear if you don’t want fear to hold you back.

It is not whether or not you are afraid. We are all afraid. All intelligent people are afraid of something and it is perfectly normal to be concerned about your physical, emotional and financial survival. The question is, how do you deal with the fear? The courageous person is simply one who goes forward in spite of fear.
The interesting thing is that we are not born with courage, but neither are we born with fear. One of the sources of fear is childhood conditioning. This generally creates the basis for two types of fear; the fear of failure and the fear of rejection. Other fears are brought on by our own experiences, by what we have heard from others or by what we have seen on television for example.

We should distinguish between rational and irrational fear. Rational fear can protect us from psychological and physical danger and be a key source of motivation. The perfectly rational fear of being dependent on others can motivate you to invest in and protect your health for example. But irrational fear, which can affect all of us at some stage in our lives, can paralyze.

Especially if we become too sensitive to the opinions and possible criticism of others, sometimes to the point that we are afraid to do anything that anyone else might disapprove of.

To quote author Neale Donald Walsh:” So long as you’re still worried about what others think of you, you’re owned by them. Only when you require no approval from outside yourself can you own yourself”
Let’s face it; people won’t like you all the time. So what?
Have you ever asked yourself the question: “What would my life have been like if I hadn’t cared so much about what other people thought?”
In the end you have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself. It’s your life and only you can make the choices that are right for you.  

In her popular book “Feel the fear and do it anyway”, Susan Jeffers tells us she wrote the book for all those situations in life where “doing it anyway” brings us joy and satisfaction once we get past the fear.
I am sure you can think of your own list of situations. You might be afraid of public speaking, of flying, of heights, of spiders, of poverty, of meeting strangers or of change in general. It might help to list your fears and ask your self the following questions: “What am I afraid of?”- “How does this fear influence my life?” – “What would be the benefit of eliminating this fear?”

What I have learned from answering these questions is: when you confront your fears (not always easy!) and move toward what you are afraid of, your fears diminish and your self-esteem and self-confidence increase.

We might not all want to travel the world on our own like Dervla Murphy but we can all be adventurous in our own way and once we decide to fear and worry less we will definitely enjoy life more!

Mety Zantingh
Life and Business Coach
Colour and Style Consultant
027-63858
087-2465132